David vs. Goliath, Mohammed Ali vs. Joe Frazier, Taylor Swift vs. Kayne West. Three very different pairs with a very simple commonality: conflict. Like it or not, we don’t have to be part of a famous rivalry to experience conflict. The world that we live in is made up of different perspectives, values, needs, and expectations - that’s what makes it interesting. However, that also makes misunderstandings and disagreements inevitable. The way we handle these conflicts can make a significant difference in the outcome of our relationships and endeavors. But in order to address the how, we need to understand why conflicts happen and what we can learn from them.

Understanding Conflict Through Different Lenses

We tend to overanalyze conflict when trying to find a solution which leads to over complication. Sometimes the best way to solve a problem is to look for the simplest answer. Simplifying the definition, Johan Galtung and R.C. Mitchell describe conflict as “when two or more people want something that they can't all have at the same time.” Complex conflicts can be simplified and analyzed using this type of thinking to help view the problem at a higher-level.

Another way to think about conflicts is through the lens of Sigmund Freud’s personality theory. Freud theorized that we have many different parts to our personality: Id, Ego, and Superego. Some of these parts are more susceptible to conflict and some are not.  

So, when we think about conflict, it's helpful to remember that it's just a part of how we interact. It's important to know that not all conflict is bad. Understanding how to embrace the good side of conflict can help us resolve issues more efficiently so that our environments and the people in them improve instead of getting hurt.

Avoiding Conflict

Does this meme hit close to home? Have you found yourself biting your tongue, avoiding eye contact, or just straight up leaving the room with a half-hearted excuse about forgetting to turn the stove off because you were worried about what others might think if you voiced your opinion? Don’t worry, you’re nowhere near alone. Conflict avoidance is actually a very common experience when we are feeling uncertain or nervous about how we will be perceived. It may seem like common sense reading it now, but I think we can all relate to a time where we have allowed the fear of being judged or misunderstood to drive our behaviours and silence our voice.  

As much as it may be common, we cannot accept conflict avoidance as the way forward. As safe as it may feel in the moment, it is a hinderance to growth and innovation. Research shows that keeping quiet at work instead of sharing ideas actually inhibits creativity and new ideas. An important part of a good working culture is psychological safety and being able to voice your opinions, concerns, or ideas without worrying about negative reactions. It is important to foster this kind of safety throughout teams and organizations as it not only helps people feel free to express themselves but in turn boosts creativity, job satisfaction, and overall team performance.

When people don’t feel psychologically safe, they may engage in defensive silence, protecting themselves from the potential negative outcomes of speaking up. This is common in organizations where leaders are said to be unsupportive or where people don't feel empowered to make their own decisions. When this happens, everyone sticks to the status quo, the loudest voice is the only one that is heard while creative problem solving, and collaborative teamwork is nowhere to be found. When managers do not empower their teams with the freedom and trust to make decisions, it makes the workplace stagnant, and employees feel as though their efforts are undervalued which can make them less motivated and stops the need for new ideas to form.

So How Do We Have Healthy Conflict? The “Us vs. The Problem”

Contrary to our overly-anxious-people-pleasing-hyper-accommodating inner monologue, healthy conflict actually exists! It’s all about working together to solve a problem using an “Us vs. The Problem” mindset to encourage teamwork and mutual respect. It’s about solving the issue, not blaming the person or the idea. This type of approach to conflict resolution helps us to think critically and come up with solutions collaboratively by acknowledging and understanding the different viewpoints around us. If in doubt, remember that respectful disagreements are not personal attacks but chances to grow and learn.

How to Approach Healthy Conflict:

• Focus on Ideas: Conversations are about ideas or processes, not people.  

• Helpful Criticism: Feedback is respectful and relevant to the issue at hand. Feedback should be about improvements, not putting someone down.  

• Active Listening: Practice empathy. Try to understand and appreciate the different viewpoints around you, even if you don’t agree.

How to Avoid Unhealthy and Unhelpful Conflict:

If healthy conflict can be considered an “Us vs. The Problem” approach, unhealthy conflict can be summed up as a “You vs. Me” approach. Unhealthy conflict drains energy and breaks down teamwork, trust, and effective communication. It often includes personal attacks, stubbornness, and a win-lose attitude. In this kind of environment, people stop talking to each other and solving a problem seems impossible.  

Here are some ways to help you avoid unhealthy or toxic conflict approaches:

• Personal Attacks: The conflict focuses on attacking the person's character instead of solving the problem. Be kind and respectful, it’s really not that hard.  

• Avoidance or Escalation: Avoiding talking about the issue will just cause a buildup of resentment and negative emotions and will escalate an otherwise simple challenge.  

• Exclusion: This isn’t the Mean Girls cafeteria; this is a functioning and professional organization. Ignoring or excluding people who are relevant to an issue or conversation is not an appropriate or a smart approach.  

Take a minute if things start to go south. Quick reminder, we are humans not robots, sometimes things get heated even if we don’t mean to. It is one hundred percent OK to acknowledge and voice the feeling and need for space or a break in the conversation if you feel that things are turning sour. Get some fresh air, grab a coffee, watch some funny TikToks, do what you need to do to lighten up, get back on track, and come back to a conversation that can be productive.  

Turning Conflict into Opportunity

Conflict in teams and organizations is not a question of if, but when. Instead of dreading it, we can learn to approach it with the mindset of learning and opportunity. By remembering to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy conflict, encouraging open communication, and adopting a constructive charter for disputes, teams can leverage disagreements as tools for strengthening relationships and enhancing creative problem-solving. Conflict doesn't have to be a barrier to success; when managed skillfully, it can be a bridge to greater understanding and innovation.